3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
