I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
