put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
