Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
