Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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