he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
