I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
