i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
