Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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