I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
