I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They took my balls.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
