Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
