you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
