oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
