Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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