hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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