I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
