I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just invented taco cereal.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
