you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
