It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize