So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
