will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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