I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
