Your face is a jimmy john
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
