Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
