Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
