Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He shit in the fireplace
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize