i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
