I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize