Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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