I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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