Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
