its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
