in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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