we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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