Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
