The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it's like iHOP with fire
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
