i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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