saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
