"it" just moved
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
