I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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