First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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