Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
