Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize