I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize