Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
