I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
