Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You made out with two different species that night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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