I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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