The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Sober January is a disaster.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
