i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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