It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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