Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
