Is it because I queefed?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
