either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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