well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need a beard to bite.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
