You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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