Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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