i would punch a child for taco bell
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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