A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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