great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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