Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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