You really coming over, don't trick.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
