if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
