glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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