You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
