What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
